Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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