Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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