cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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