According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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