I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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