Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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