don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
