we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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