Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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