She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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