i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
