is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
