Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
