I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
