Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
