My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
