who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
