My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
