Someone shit on the floor
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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