you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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