i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
