She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
