I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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