Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
