I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
