dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
