So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Alive.
So much puke
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
