i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
