Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
