well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
