I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
