I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
