Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
