remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
