Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
