you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
