So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
