Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
