He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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