STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
