I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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