What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
