things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
wow bdsm is so cute
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
