My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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