hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
