It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
