Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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