Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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