well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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