He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
