I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
